WORK STRUGGLES

5 months. That's how long it's been since I was last here. This new season of motherhood has been the most challenging [and BEST] thing that has happened to me [other than marrying the love of my life of course]. There is so much to fill you in on, that to do it all in this post would overwhelm you. So stay tuned for more updates [hopefully]. As my grand welcome back, I'm about to get really real with y'all. So if you're not down for that, just keep on scrolling.



REAL TALK. I have been struggling.



Since Griffin was 8 weeks old, I have been working full time. Now, unlike most mothers who return to an office, I am beyond blessed and get to bring my love bug to work with me. This was much easier in the beginning when Griffin slept more [I don't say all day because that never happened. I've always had a very alert, curious boy]. Now that he is 8 months old, he is requiring so much more of my attention, and he is about to become mobile. [That's right. This kid just started pushing up on his hands and knees and rocking back and forth. Mobility is coming for us.]

I feel worn down and beaten. Everything in my life gets maybe 50% of what I could give it. Griffin gets 50%. David gets 50%. My job gets 50%. I get 1% [but really]. Everything else...get in line [sorry friends!]. Although I am an overachiever, I can handle work getting 50% of me. What I cannot handle, is being a crappy wife and a crappy mom. I don't want to feel guilty for playing with my son [because I should be working]. I don't want to pass out on the couch, exhausted, too tired to talk and engage with my husband after a long day. I don't want to immediately crawl into bed after putting our son down, because I want to get as much sleep as I possibly can because I know tonight is going to be long, and tomorrow it's all going to start over. I am in an eternal state of exhaustion and completely emptied. There is nothing left of me to give. This has been my reality for the past 6 months, and it sucks.

David and I had a really good talk a couple of weeks ago. [Side note-He is seriously the best man in the entire world.] He patiently listened to me as I tearfully poured my heart out, nodding in agreement. When I finished, he agreed with everything I said, and asked me what I wanted to do. David has also had conversations with lots of parents from the church- moms, dads, both. Almost all of them said that when they had kids, mom stopped working and stayed home. They took a huge pay cut, and things were tight for awhile, but it was the absolute best decision they could have made. Mom got to be with the kids all day long, and because they didn't have a ton of extra money to do things, they spent their free time playing as a family- going to the park, playing in the backyard, cooking, playing inside.

We game planned, and, after talking with my boss, I will be going to part-time in the near future. There are some logistics at work that we need to take care of [like hiring an office lady], but I will go in the office one and half days a week, and work from home during Griffin's afternoon nap the other days [morning nap is mommy time]. David is off on Fridays, so Griffin will be with him on Fridays, and we're looking into different PDO options for a once a week half day. This new plan for the future is a huge step in me becoming a better wife, mother, and human in general, and I am so excited.