3 Month Reflection

As I reflect on the past 3 months of being a mom, I can't help but feel so humbled and so overjoyed. Being a mom is the greatest job in the whole world. I wouldn't trade it for a single thing. Griffin is just the sweetest little boy that has ever entered the world. He smiles and coo's, makes the funniest faces, sleeps like a champ, and never fails to make me smile.

Here are my reflections and thoughts on parenthood:

In preparing to become parents, David and I read Babywise. I am so glad that I read this book in preparation, because it taught me a lot of things I never would have known or done myself. For example, a feed, wake, sleep schedule. I probably would have just fed on demand and let Griffin be a wild man [which he totally is sometimes]. I really appreciate the "parent directed feeding method", because while we try to keep Griff on a schedule, sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. However, I do think I had a lot of ideas that I really wanted to try, that just didn't work for us. [and you should know that I didn't push too hard for them. We tried, and if they didn't work, they didn't work. I wasn't set on doing anything. I just had an idea of what we wanted, and if it didn't work out, I was fine to move on. I think that was key. Being flexible in my parenting.] I am grateful that I read Babywise, and still reference it. Some things just don't work for us.

Some ideas I had going into parenthood vs. my reality:

Birth. I did not want to immediately hold my baby straight from the birth canal. I wanted my child cleaned off first, and then I would hold him [blood makes me queasy, and those white chunks I've always seen in movies...yuck]. As soon as I saw his face I wanted him in my arms. [no worries, no blood or white chunks that I remember...but I don't think I really cared at that point].

Nursing. I thought it would hurt so bad [it was described to me like shooting glass out of your nipples initially. It was never anywhere close to that bad for me]. Nursing did, however, basically put me to sleep the first 3 or 4 weeks. It felt like Griffin was sucking all energy out of me.

Sleep. I thought that I would have sleepless nights and would be a walking zombie. Well, I have a baby that sleeps pretty dang well and has since day 3. [those first two nights were rough because we had our days and nights switched and like to cluster feed from 1am-5am]. I am amazed at the energy that I have. I was, and still am, pretty against co-sleeping. But, there are some late nights/early mornings when your baby will only sleep on your chest. So, after trying to lay him in his crib unsuccessfully 3 times, I pick my crying child back up, crawl in bed at 4am with him and let him sleep on my chest until 6:30 when we wake up.

Rocking. I thought I would lay my baby down and he would go straight to sleep. I wouldn't rock him. We didn't buy a rocking chair because we didn't want to rock him. Well, I cuddle my sweet boy to sleep for every nap and bedtime and I love every second of it. We bought a laZboy two weeks ago so we could be more comfortable and rock if we wanted. I also thought letting a baby cry it out was no big deal. I literally cannot stand it. Maybe I will tolerate it better when he is older [he will eventually learn to be put in his crib and go to bed on his own], but for now, I will soak up those cuddles. He's not going to want to cuddle with me forever. I choose to cherish those moments. Even when he's screaming because he is so tired, I will choose joy.

Swaddle. All babies love to be swaddled. Not Griffin. This kid screamed when we did it to him, and then woke himself up trying to get out of the swaddle. At about 8 weeks old, we tried the swaddle again, and it was magical for him. He sleeps in a swaddle at night, and depending on the nap, will either nap swaddled up or not.

Bottles. I thought he would take a bottle. I thought all baby's took bottles [until our friends didn't, but we were different [ha!]]. Griffin did twice, then decided he wanted nothing to do with it and would scream bloody murder if a bottle made an appearance in his mouth. We're still working on this, and now he doesn't scream, but just chews on the bottle and lets the milk run down his face. Baby steps people.

Pacifier. I thought he would take a pacifier [to go to sleep with, or to calm him when he was fussy]. He doesn't want anything to do with that fake nipple crap. [similar to a bottle, he will chew on a pacifier, which helps calm him when he's fussy in the car seat].

Eating. After reading Babywise, I thought I would have this perfect eat, wake, sleep schedule every three hours. Griffin has eaten every two hours, and only napped for 45 minutes at a time up until today [which has been so weird! but I'm not complaining. I'll take the 3 hour eating schedule]. I did all kinds of research on this that said baby's his age should be napping 1.5 hours. Well. Guess what? My baby doesn't. I tried rocking him back to sleep a couple of times, but he was awake and happy and ready to go. So did I push this issue? No. I accepted it and moved on. I have a perfectly happy child that almost sleeps through the night and is rarely fussy.

See. I told you. Humbling.

That overjoyed feeling. Well, here's just a couple examples:

Having cooing and babbling conversations. Griffin mimicking our facial expressions and sounds. The smiles, whether it's when he hears me talking, when I come to get him out of his crib, when he poops, burps, or toots, or when he's nursing and just wants to look at me. His loud poops and toots. Cuddles. Every milestone he reaches- sitting, holding his head up, playing with toys, bringing things to his mouth [he loves to pull his blankets into his mouth]. Every single thing about this child brings me joy. Even in the hard times. I am joyful because my love for him is so deep. When he cries and screams because he is so tired but won't go to sleep, I find joy because my heart breaks for him, because I love him so much.